your room smells of hookers.
And success
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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