If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
