Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
