I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
