At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
