Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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