he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
