i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize