You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
