I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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