I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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