my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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