so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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