Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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