yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
