Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
