Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
