So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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