i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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