I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
