we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
