So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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