My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
