So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
