the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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