so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
