Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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