i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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