I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
this is an emotional support booty call
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
