Nicole vs. Life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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