Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize