So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Help me help you realize you are a moron
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize