He kissed a someone with a penis
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
