I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
