shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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