so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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