oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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