Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
