Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
