Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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