My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
