I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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