someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
