I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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