The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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