I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she smelled like a LAN party
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
