paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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