My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
