Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
