My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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