Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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