I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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