I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
