I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
