they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
