2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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