We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
