I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
