I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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