so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
