Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
