I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
