So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
