I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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